Why Me?

[Maggie]

What About Mars?
May 11, 2006

No more problems says the package
the cure came in, no more
warning labels and the price tag
no longer legible. It began
with flashy children and fast cars
then people started talking
about the leftover stuff
after the move out,
wondered what would happen
to the crystal ball and Japanese flag.
Where to put Mars now?
Whose house next?


Yesterday it was exactly two years ago that I began my exile in my own hometown. The irony of that nearly drove me mad during that bit of winter. I used to cry alot. I mean, alot. Hardly ever in front of anyone though. One day I was crying in the usual old place (the shower) and the kids came into the bathroom and asked if I was okay. They had no idea I used the shower for crying. I cried when I prayed too.

To be honest, I'm not really sure what I was crying about. I believe I was crying about injustice as well as my inability to absorb the new details of our life.

We didn't have anything really. My sister and her friends collected boxes of necessities so that we could have something to call our own. She bought me an extraordinary number of things because I found myself completely unable to tolerate a department store for more than fifteen or twenty minutes. My kids felt the same way about Americans and their shopping habits, the way they move about like automatons. It took me over a year to actually be able to purchase something just because I wanted it. I still have trouble purchasing things. I do it but everytime I do I feel something akin to morning sickness. I don't ever actually throw up but I feel as though I might.

I took very long walks that winter. My new dog Pooch and I would roam up and down the streets and alleys of Warren. It was extremely cold that year, the kind of cold that I remember from my childhood. It snowed alot and that exacerbated the loneliness I felt for my old neighborhood and the people who knew me well without any explanations. It was Christmas and I glided through the festive lights of the new neighborhoods. There was so much sadness that year. No one was really very happy in America. They still aren't but they decorate their lives with trinkets all the same. If it frightens me I have to wonder what it does to them. There is no denial of the massive sense of depression in the American psyche. They have no idea about the suffering of others, the reality of it. It is all a part of reality TV. Real but not real. Nothing is ever real until you've done it yourself and thus far, Americans have suffered very, very little.

Allah had blessed me with this new dog named Pooch. It took forever for us to name him and he was just as much of an exile as we were. He was two years old and must have had a name and try as we might, we couldn't discover it. We tried Bingo, Fido and King. We tried Pancho during Thanksgiving at the beach in Bahia Kino Mexico. His name was Zero for a while but that was more about how we felt than it was about his recent castration. "A name for a dog with no name and no nuts." He and I remain inseparable. I hope I die before he does and I've little doubt he hopes for the same. Fact of the matter is, Allah replaced my old dog that I left behind with a much more sage animal. I just talked to my brother-in-law in Lebanon and he told me all about how Bijou is faring nowdays. He said she finally got herself knocked up but ended up eating two of the three pups who were born terribly disfigured. She lives indoors now with a Nepalese doctor and his wife who work for the United Nations and they treat her very, very well.

At home we (my kids and I) agreed to just not talk at all. And we didn't. We kept peace with ourselves. There was no point in discussing what had happened to us. No point at all. And anyway, we had to discuss it over and over again in public places, at pot lucks, at school and poetry readings. We all agreed that we were tired of our very own story but knew people had a right to know what it was. By January of 2007 I realized I had descended into a very deep depression.

Muslim depression doesn't resemble ordinary depression except for the physical characteristics that define the state of "depression". Poor appetite, inability to concentrate, failure to thrive are only external signs. Internally, it cannot be said that depression actually exists in the heart or mind of a real submitting muslim. There simply isn't such a thing that exists that can in some way be used to excuse any type of behavior that results from the physical effects of shock, trauma, loss, grief, anger. Why is that?

Because suffering is expected. It isn't an "if" but a "when". The story of this world according to Allah, his apostle and his Ahl Bayt is thus far been proved to be true. Most Americans don't know about it and their suffering is the type of suffering one must endure when a diagnosis isn't known yet but only suspected. The prognosis is dire. I'm here to tell you though, the suffering of non-muslims isn't pleasant to muslims. Not at all. It only increases ours ten fold because we know not only the diagnosis and prognosis, but we know the cure. They just don't like the taste of that medicine. They are submitting to Islam unwillingly, suffering consequences although most of them believe they've committed no crime.

So I started to garden and I haven't stopped since. I don't think about any of it there. I just dig and pull and plant and start all over again. I can't get over how Allah puts a whole tree into a seed or how Allah knew that I would need Islam. How on earth did Allah get in touch with me in Arizona so very long ago? "Why me?" Well, why not me. And al'ham'dullila it is me. I'd not trade it for all the wealth in the world.

I feel so sorry for those who don't have it. I really, really do. They must truly be suffering more than I can understand. They suffer more starvation than the most hungry child in the most desperate war zone. It is said that a muslim eats with one intestine and a kafr eats with seven.
Their obesity is their sign. Their drunkeness is a sign. Their genital diseases are their sign. Their arrogance is their sign. Their attachment to material possessions is their sign. To mistake those for something else is simply a lie.

[7.198] And if you invite them to guidance, they do not hear; and you see them looking towards you, yet they do not see.

[5.83] And when they hear what has been revealed to the apostle you will see their eyes overflowing with tears on account of the truth that they recognize; they say: Our Lord! we believe, so write us down with the witnesses (of truth).

[Maggie]

:)

But we love them anyway. Heck, at one time I was one myself. Or at least a wannabe. My kitchen never smelled like spoiled milk (as hippie kitchens tend to smell) but I did keep my feet awfully dirty. :)

America and Americans have a lot to learn. Personally, I believe that Americans are the ones who can really adapt to Islam the best. Real Islam takes good critical thinkers who can put it in perspective in this age.

:) Like me. Al'ham'du'lillah.

[Robert R. Frump]

Okay, point taken on the hippies!

[Maggie]

Well yes....but problems such as those grow exponentially. If this generation is like that then what does the next generation hold? That is the problem.

Hippies. Who aren't arrogant? I haven't met many of those to be honest and I live in Hippieville USA. Like I said however, there is a distinct difference between arrogance when it is exhibited by an intelligent person (and somewhat they deserve to be arrogant) and an arrogant person (GWB, et. al.) who is also quite ignorant.

And to be honest, I think Americans deserve better leadership and they deserve truth. Many of them are beginning to demand it. But take the UFO phenomenon for example.
There is quite an uproar developing over that, people are beginning to wise up to the deceptions of the government on that issue. Yet...Yet....the deception that Judeo-Christianity has peddled for centuries....Islam tells a person all about it....sits and languishes right in front of them and they don't give a damn.

Hypocrisy.

One of the problems with hypocrisy is....it causes a terrible blindness to the facts.

The main message of Islam isn't love. It is "peace" but the kind of peace that comes from possessing certainty in something. And a person cannot possess certainty in something without knowing the facts surrounding the case.

I think that non muslims have a tendency to "compare" Islam with other sects of Monotheism and with other doctrines that are polytheistic/pagan or otherwise.

There isn't any competition. They are welcome to compete all they want but none of them are actually in the same league as Islam. Afterall, there is only one Allah and Allah possesses only one philosophy plus, Allah doesn't violate his own creation.

Peace on you in any case. I realize that those are difficult things to hear or accept for some people. I appreciate that you took the time to read and comment in such a wonderfully tolerant and peaceful way. You must be a good friend to Islam because it shows in your post and that is the next best thing to actually being one.

[Robert R. Frump]

Well, this is interesting stuff and POV. I think perhaps there is a slight overstatement and generalization of what "Americans" are. I know at least one or two who are not obese, drunk or SDI'ed.... Well, okay, they may be arrogant about being thin, sober and healthy, but three out of four ain't bad. Plus I know some thin healthy hippies who aren't arrogant even... You write well, Maggie, but I disagree in the same way I disagree with the right wing American christians who feel 9/11 was caused by homosexuality. Such judgments from the stewards of religion whose main message is one of love.